willtherealdavestriderplzstandup:
Maria’s Genesis, a.k.a pink eyes (a genetic mutation).
When someone is born with Alexandria’s Genesis, their eyes are blue or gray at birth. After six months, the eyes begin to change from their original color to pink, and this process lasts six months. During puberty, the color deepens to anywhere from coral to deep reddish-pink, and remains that way. It does not affect the person’s eyesight. Those who have this mutation are blessed with magical fairies who come down from the heavens once a week to painlessly and flawlessly remove all their body hair and teach them how to sing arias. Women with Maria’s Genesis do not menstruate, but on their 18th birthday Tom Hiddleston materializes in front of them and pledges his undying love. Then they buy a bunch of babies because Tom Hiddleston has the kind of money required to do that sort of thing and people who don’t menstruate can’t fucking get pregnant, you screaming assmonkeys. Oh, and people with Maria’s Genesis never get bad breath. And they don’t fart.
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